Smile Only When You Mean It
by BoundaryOfLimitation
Summary: Sobs racked through Lavi's whole body.He knew as a bookman he was not supposed to have feelings but he didn't care, right now he wasn't a bookman anymore, he's nothing but a foolish human helplessly in love...With Yuu Kanda. Complete and enjoy
1. Exchange Hearts

**This is my first fanfic on DGM. Pairing Kanda and Lavi. I don't own any of these characters. This story contains shonen-ai. Don't read if you don't like it. Hope you enjoy this sad story of mine and please excuse me for my lousy grammar. I'll be happy to hear all of your comments about my story.**

**(Lavi sounds a little sad in this story. Sorry.)**

The smell of blood hung thickly all around the air. Evening sun sank slowly in the horizon painting the sky with red deeper then usual or maybe because of the color of blood all around?

A long haired exorcist holding a sword in his hand walked slowly around the broken down place. Corpses were all around him, some still alive moaning and whining for someone, anyone to save them.

One free hand held his wound in his stomach as he walked slowly in the thin river of blood on the ground. His beautiful black hair tied up in a high pony tail behind him dripped with blood of whose, he don't know or care anymore. His beautiful doll face look pained with every step he took. His hands and clothes soaked with the blood of his own.

"Stupid rabbit," he managed to say to his comrade lying on the floor under a bloody tree.

"Are you dead?" he asked indifferently eyeing the red headed one with his bandanna slipped down around his neck, eye patch a little out of place. Mouth slightly opens barely breathing.

The 'stupid rabbit' lay so still, anyone would believe he's dead with his clothes torn and blood oozing out of his arms and hip. Slowly, his deep emerald green eyes fluttered open with difficulty.

"Is that God talking to me?" he asked barely more then a whisper. For some reason, the other dark-haired exorcists felt annoyed and started frowning at him 'till his eyes start to focus and saw who the 'god' was.

"What?" he asked disappointed, "It's only Yuu-chan." He muttered breathlessly.

"Che, it's Kanda to you." was the harsh reply.

"Aw, come on. What's there to argue over best friends? I didn't say anything about you calling me stupid rabbit." Green eyes smiled at Kanda tiredly but full of mischief.

"Lavi, can you walk? We need to get back to the inn." Kanda asked ignoring his comment.

"Walk? I can barely even breathe." Whine his comrade, pouting a little.

"Che." was the annoyed reply.

Walking over his comrade, he pulled him up carefully as he wince in pain. An arm supported him around his good hip, Kanda moved Lavi's arm round his neck, supporting him and started walking slowly back together towards their inn.

The light of sun started to fade as darkness took over. The two exorcists limp very slowly away from the battle field with the retrieved innocence safely in Kanda's coat pocket. Lavi's breathe was irregular and slow, he never felt so pain before. He could felt his pulse beating in his wounds, making the pain worse with each step they took.

He gazed down on the ground to see blood dripping down slowly to the ground.

"Yuu-chan, you're bleeding." He said softly.

"Shut up, we're getting near to the inn." His low voice barely made it out of his beautiful lips.

Lavi chuckled. Bad move. He winces in pain.

"Harsh as usual aren't you Yuu-chan." He smiled weakly at him.

"Che."

The moon and stars shone brightly down at them. Lavi gazed at Kanda for a long time. The face that looked like a doll, one filled with sadness and sorrow. Black hair and deep icy blue eyes, never fail to make anyone weak at the knees every time he glare. Yet with the same face, he never fails to turn girls' head even though he doesn't seem to realize it at all. He is such a mystery to him. Can't help but want to find out more about this Japanese guy.

"You looked so beautiful Yuu-chan. Do you know that?" Lavi said without thinking.

"How many times do I have to tell you to shut up?" Lavi only smiled softly when he saw his face blushed lightly despite the amount of blood he's loosing.

People from the village started running in a rush towards the battle field. Nobody stopped them to ask what's wrong or what happened. The anxiety in the people's eyes, made both of them sad even though Kanda didn't show it. So many was sacrificed in the war.

"Why? They have no ability like exorcist do, why did they rush in to fight? For their love ones? For what they are trying to protect?" Kanda heard Lavi muttered darkly to himself beside him.

"Humans are such foolish creature." Kanda could only agree silently.

Finally, they got back to the inn. Kanda passed out right in front of the door step. The men of the inn helped both of them back into their double bed room and the women tended to their wounds.

"How's he?" Lavi asked the woman who just finished bandaging the unconscious Kanda.

"I believe he lost too much blood. He forced himself too much to walk which cause more blood lost and at the same time, half carrying you. But he'll be fine. Don't worry." answered the woman quietly.

"Thank you so much for helping us." Lavi thanked the woman. Even though he's in a terrible state, his charming face and smiled didn't fail to make the woman blush.

"You two are so young, reminds me of my son who died in a battle like this. I'm glad you two make it out alive." said the woman, eyes distant remembering the sad memories.

"I guess I should leave you to rest now, if you need anything, just give us a call." she closed the door softly behind her.

Lavi signed. The pain in his hip and arm was still incredible but at least the bleeding stopped. He gazed at Kanda who was sleeping peacefully. He never thought his face would look so angelic. The normal 'conscious' Kanda would be frowning or very pissed off over something all the time.

Lavi thought he looked beautiful with his long black hair spread out on his pillow like spilled ink. His bangs just above his eyebrows made him looked so innocent. And oh those beautiful red lips.

Yet he ignored his wounds and carried me till here, thought Lavi silently. A smile creeps on his face as he too drifted into sleep.

Kanda opened his eyes in a rush. It was dawn already, the morning sun shone softly into the window beside his bed. Abruptly, he sat up on his bed looking around panicking thinking that he still left Lavi alone by the tree to die. He looked down to see a thick blanket covering him. He got confused, wasn't I in the battle field? Lavi was seriously injured and I had to help him.

"You finally awake?" an unexpected voice came from beside him. He turned abruptly to the side making his head dizzy. He closed his eyes for a moment to clear his head and opened them again to find himself starring into a pair of green, green eyes.

"Good morning, Yuu-chan." Lavi smiled cheerfully at him.

Kanda only frowned. What a pity, thought Lavi silently. He looked like an angel just a couple of hours ago before he woke up.

Kanda stepped out of his bed. His wound still hurt a little but he had recovered a lot and much faster then normal people do. He narrowed his eyes to the side to see Lavi watching him.

"You feeling better?" he asked grudgingly.

"Why? Are you worried about me? Aww, that's so sweet of you, Yuu-chan." Was the cheerfully reply even though his face was very pale. Instantly, Kanda regretted for even asking.

"I don't care if you're alive of not. You stupid rabbit." He said dangerously.

"Don't say mean things to me Yuu-chan, my poor heart is breaking to pieces." Even in his pathetic state, he can still joke.

"Don't call me that."

"Why? It suited you finely." was the innocent reply.

"I don't like people, especially you calling me by my first name." he muttered angrily and stormed into the bathroom to take a shower to wash away all the blood on his body.

After half an hour, the bathroom door finally opened and a wet Kanda stepped out with his long black hair dripping with water.

"Not only you looked like a girl; you take bath like one too. What took you so long in there?" Lavi commented as Kanda dry his hair with a fluffy towel.

"None of your business." He replied shortly and turned his back to him.

Kanda started stuffing his stuffs into his bag, his back still facing Lavi.

"Go get ready Lavi, we're going home today." He stopped abruptly. Home? He thought to himself. I don't have one.

"I don't have one." was the soft reply. Kanda froze his movements.

Me too.

Kanda wondered what kind of expression will be on Lavi's face but he certainly not going to turn around to find out.

It's not like I care. He thought to himself and resumed stuffing his shirts and pants into the bag.

"We are going back to Black Order. Hurry up, the train leaves in an hour." He rephrased his sentence.

"I can't walk. My wounds can't heal as fast like you." Lavi signed tiredly.

"We'll manage." Icy blue eyes stubbornly reply.

"Yuu-chan is soooo mean to me." Lavi signed and walked with difficulty to the bathroom to take a shower.

Soon, they were on their way to the train station. Kanda carrying both of their bags while Lavi trying hard to keep up with his speed. When they finally got up in the train, Lavi's face was as pale as a sheet. Barely have the strength to breathe.

Kanda sat by the window as far away from anyone else as possible. He che-ed at Lavi moaning in pain and immediately closes his eyes to sleep.

An hour later, Kanda opened his eyes to see what the 'stupid rabbit' doing 'cause not a sound was heard from him for the last forty minutes. Lavi's face was really pale, noted Kanda and he looked really uncomfortable on the long cushioned chair. A small frown appeared on his face as he tried to shift into a more comfortable position but only to end up hurting his wound at his hips making him wince silently.

"Yuu-chan." He mumbled with his eyes still closed. "I don't feel good."

Kanda grunted under his breathe.

"Can I sleep on your shoulder? This thing is making me hurt." He groaned at the chair his eyes pleading Kanda pleadingly.

"No." annoyed at the request.

"Yuu-chan is so mean to me." He muttered and closed his eyes again, face still very pale.

Kanda looked at him, the stupid face that smile so much and the stupid mouth that makes idiotic jokes and say weird things. He thought back to the night when he said he looked beautiful.

Suddenly the train stopped. Both of them fell off their seats. Kanda landed on his butt while Lavi, not so lucky, fell on his bad hip.

"Ouch. What the hell?" Lavi moaned in pain, unable to get up. Kanda looked to the side, surprised to see blood stained his coat slowly forming a pool of blood on the floor.

The train started to move again. Everything was silent accept for the tracks below them.

"Baka Usagi, are you alright?"

No answer.

Lavi lay limply on the floor by his side, bad hip against the floor, his wound opened again. Moving over to help him, Kanda was shocked to see the usual happy-go-lucky Lavi looked dizzy in so much pain. Immediately, he blamed himself for that.

Helping Lavi up onto the long seat, Kanda took off his own coat and pressed it on Lavi's wound to stop the bleeding.

"Yuu-chan, I'm gonna die. This is the end." He muttered sadly.

"If humans can die this easily, wouldn't the world be a better place?" was the sharp reply.

"Even you're capable of sarcasm." Lavi smiled palely. Soon, Kanda's coat was soaked with Lavi's blood, but at least the bleeding stopped now.

With his arms still around Lavi's waist holding his coat on his hips, Lavi fell asleep on his shoulder. His flaming red hair brushed against the Japanese's neck, his hands somehow ended up holding Kanda's hand.

"You're too close. If you're not so badly hurt, I would have killed you." said the beautiful yet ill-tempered exorcist to his comrade. Lavi only snuggled closer, but Kanda didn't pull him away.

"Your body is so warm Yuu-chan." muttered Lavi in his sleep.

"Wh-"

"But your hands are so cold like your heart. It hurt so much." The long-haired exorcist wondered if he's talking about his wound.

I shouldn't have rush back like this. I've caused this stupid rabbit so much pain. Che. So troublesome, well, it's not like it's my fault that he got himself so hurt. He thought to himself.

But guilt still hunts him. That's why he never let go of Lavi even once, silently enjoying the feeling of being so close to someone even though he would never admit it aloud.

Five hours later, a dozen of Finders from Black Order were already waiting for them at the train station. They had stretcher and some medicine readied. They swept him off Kanda's arm as soon as he stepped off the train. Instantly, they rushed him back to the Order.

A couple days later, when Kanda was eating his soba in a silent corner of cafeteria, he heard damn moyashi talking about Lavi.

He had an operation, lost too much blood, a few serious broken bones. He doesn't sound well, thought Kanda silently. Maybe I should visit him? Wait, why would I visit the stupid rabbit anyway? It's not like I care.

"Che." He spat annoyed and walked out of the cafeteria back to his room.

"Kanda." A familiar voice called out to him.

"Leenale,"

"Where are you going?" asked the beautiful girl in two pigtails and a smile that brightens up the day.

"Back to my room?" he answered unsurely. Leenale laughed and looked into those icy blue eyes.

"Then you're coming with me. Someone misses you a lot." She gave him a little tug and Kanda followed her obediently wondering who in the world would miss someone like him.

Walking towards the familiar section of the tall dark building, he followed Leenale into a big door that says 'infirmary'.

"Why are you taking me here? I don't want to be here." He frowned irritably and started walking away to the opposite direction.

"Oh no, you're coming with me. Let's go." Leenale pulled him back by the arm, practically dragging him behind her.

Only Leenale in the world is allowed to treat Kanda like that. If somebody else did that, the beautiful yet scary creature will sure kill them with his Mugen that hung around his waist or held in his hand everywhere he goes.

Opening a door to a sunny room, a familiar yet pale creature laid weakly on the single bed in the room. The flaming red hair tangled and messy on the pillow, his eye closed, the other behind the eye-patch and lips set in a pretty line. Any girl who sees him like this now would surely blush.

How could someone looked so good when they are lying in a hospital bed badly wounded? Thought Kanda frowning.

Leenale put a finger on her lips signaling Kanda to be quiet.

"He's sleeping." She mouthed.

Pulling a chair up beside Lavi's bed, she sat down looking expectantly at Kanda to do the same. He stood there stubbornly wondering what the hell is he doing here.

He watched Leenale reached out to touch the red-header's hand and held it tightly. A funny feeling roused in him making him so uncomfortable.

Why do my fingers itch to touch that stupid rabbit too? He asked himself. He continued to entertain himself with his stupid thoughts until Leenale could stand it no more.

She stood up and pulled Kanda to the chair.

"I'm going back to work now, you keep him company for a while." She said quietly but sternly.

"Che." He turned away grudgingly. "Why should I stay with this stupid rabbit?"

"You got him into this state, at least sit with him for a while." With that, she walked away. Kanda found no reason to argue. It's true that it's his fault that Lavi was here so wounded and weak.

He signed tiredly, pushing a strand of his long hair back into his pony tail. Wind blew softly through the window. It's always windy up here in the infirmary 'cause it's located on the 30th floor of the Order, almost the highest floor of the building.

He looked down at the stupid rabbit, wondering why it made his heart beat faster. His bandanna not around his head as usual, messy red hair rest around his forehead making him looked like an innocent child.

Junior Bookman huh? Had so many identities that he forgot who exactly he really is, hiding his true feelings behind the masks of smiles and laughter, eyes full of sadness sometimes. Why?

A gust of wind blew into the room; white lovely curtains flew in the air softly.

Kanda closed his eyes to feel the wind touching his face, dancing with his hair. It's been a long time since he felt this calm. When he opened his eyes again, all he sees is a pair of green, green eyes starring deeply into his own icy blue ones.

"Yuu-chan," those beautiful green eyes smiled at him.

"Don't call me that." he answered automatically.

The other chuckled softly.

"How nice of Yuu-chan to come and visit me." He said to himself smiling.

"Baka Usagi."

"Cold as always aren't you Yuu-chan?" he smiled softly at him making the other's heart beat jerkily.

"Thank you," said Lavi after a few minutes.

"Hmn, don't thank me for getting you into this state." was the quiet reply.

"I want to thank you for helping me to stop my bleeding on the train. I would have died there. So, you really do care about me."

"I don't want to carry a dead body all the way back to the Order that's all. Or Komui would be so pissed off."

A pair of green eyes gazed at the Japanese exorcist. Thinking how beautiful he looked with those pretty eyes and long smooth hair.

"Aww, Yuu-chan really cared about me. How nice of you." Lavi sang happily.

Getting annoyed by the minute while Lavi continued blabbering about how much he cared about him.

Suddenly, Lavi felt cold metal against his neck. It's Mugen. Kanda's face looked angry; his eyes pierce through him angrily.

"Calm down Yuu-chan, I'm just healing, don't make me stay longer then I have to." Lavi laughed nervously, still in the mood to joke around when he's in such terrible state.

"Che," with that, Kanda stormed out of the room swearing he won't come back to see that stupid rabbit every again.

* * *

A few weeks later, Kanda stood alone in his room. It was pitch black outside; only the wind and crickets can be heard. He just had a long shower, he thought back to what Lavi had said to him about how long it took for him to shower.

He hadn't seen him in a long time.

He would only pester me when he sees me anyway, thought Kanda. He gazed at his hourglass. Only two more petals left.

The exorcist smirked to himself.

"Looks like I'm not gonna live till 20 huh?" he asked the silence. He looked at his clock, it showed 1 am, time to hit the bed and have a good night sleep.

Suddenly, he heard a soft knocking on his door. Holding Mugen firmly in his hands, he opened the door frowning only to see Lavi standing at his doorway.

"What do you want in the middle of the nig-" he stopped abruptly when Lavi's deep green eyes gaze into his. Is that sadness in his eyes, the sadness that he never showed to the world?

"What are you doing here?" he asked in a flat tone. Wind blew from behind them making Kanda's hair fly loosely.

"Can I come in?" Lavi asked silently. Surprised by this weird Lavi, Kanda took a step back to let him in for Lavi usual barge in without asking.

Instantly, Lavi crawled into his bed, Kanda's bed and lay his head down on Kanda's pillow.

"What are you doing?" he shouted angrily. "Get off my bed. Don't you have a bed of your own to sleep in?"

Lavi didn't budge but only to pull the thick blanket higher around his face.

"If you don't get out this minute," Kanda warned shielding Mugen towards Lavi. "I'm gonna kill you."

A hand suddenly reached out from under the blanket and pulled Kanda onto the bed.

"What? Hey, don't touch me baka usagi!" the grip around his wrist only tightens. Kanda struggled to get out of the bed but a pair of arms suddenly circled him from behind. Tightly.

Both of them froze in their position. He could feel Lavi trembling on his back.

"Please Yuu-chan, let me stay here tonight." He asked in a small muffled voice.

"Why should I? You have a room and a bed right?"

"After so much blood you made me shed in the last mission. One night with me here won't kill me."

"Are you trying blackmail me? Let go of me you stupid rabbit." The arms around him slowly loosen, taking the chance; Kanda turned around and pinned Lavi down on his bed.

"Get out now." He threatens. Deep green eyes looked at him with an unreadable expression. The lip that always smile set in a straight line, eyes that's full of laughter now only reflects sadness. Flaming red hair was messy around his face making him want to touch them softly.

Kanda signed. He gave up. Whatever is wrong with that stupid rabbit, he's not gonna leave tonight.

"Fine." The word barely made it out of his lips. "Sleep on the bed if you like." He grumbled and grabbed a pillow to set it down on the floor far away from Lavi and lay down to sleep with his back facing him, anger still burning in him.

After ten minutes of silence. Lavi listened to Kanda's silent breathing.

"Yuu-chan." He called softly, as though afraid.

No reply.

"Yuu-chan,"

Again no reply,

"Yuu-chan,"

"WHAT?!" he hissed finally.

"It's cold down there."

"Well?! It's not you who's sleeping on the floor right?"

"Don't be angry Yuu-chan."

"Don't call me that." He muttered angrily.

"Here," he said and heard Lavi's hand patting on his bed.

Kanda turned around frowning to see Lavi patting at the empty place next to him.

"No. I would rather die of cold here." He said turning his back to Lavi again.

"Come on, don't be stubborn now." He pleads after a few moments.

No reply.

Sighing, Lavi got off the bed and walked towards Kanda. He pulled him up by the arm and surprisingly, he didn't fight back. He let him led him to the bed and lay down again this time on the bed with his back still turned to Lavi.

Lavi watched his thin yet muscular back. Those beautiful long black hair, he remembered how they looked on the pillow. Just like spilled ink.

Slowly, he wrapped his arm around Kanda. His whole body stiffens. After a few breathes, Kanda turned around frowning angrily.

"What is wrong with you today?" Kanda demanded.

"I just want to be close to you." was the innocent answer.

"What? You're crazy?" Kanda eyed him dangerously.

"Yeah, over you." Deep green eyes looked at him sincerely.

"If you continue with your craps, you're really getting out of here." warned the long-haired exorcist.

"This feeling in me, it's hard to explain. I can't have these emotions in me for I'm a bookman but I wonder why, this emotions swirl in my heart." Lavi said softly as though he was talking to himself, trying to make himself understand.

"Stupid rabbit shut up and go to sleep." Kanda said coldly and turned his back to him again.

He heard Lavi laughed to himself, a hand pulled his arm to face him. Kanda looked at his smiling face, so cheerful and happy; anyone would fall for that happy mask but not Kanda.

"Smile only when you mean it." He said flatly, his eyes cold starring into the green ones. Lavi's smile wavered a little and tears filled his eyes making it shine brightly under the moonlight from the window.

Again he laughed to himself. Kanda looked at him indifferently, wanting to reach out to touch those flaming red hair and smooth cheek.

What is wrong with me? Kanda scolded himself. Why the hell would I want to touch this stupid rabbit and hold him close?

"Yuu-chan," he whispered, mesmerized by those beautiful icy blue eyes that reminds him of deep sea water.

"I feel terrible, I had nightmares, my head hurts and I wanted to see you so much. I wonder why?" he asked shaking his head slightly in disbelief.

Tears once again filled his eyes without realizing. Kanda gazed at him, Lavi was so close, he could smell him. Old books and autumn leaves, he lay so close, he wanted so much to reach out to touch his cheeks. Tell him words that would make him feel better; brush away the tears that welled behind his eyes that threaten to fall.

"I love you, Yuu-chan." Lavi mouthed to him quietly. Suddenly, all the sound around Kanda went mute. All he heard was Lavi's breathing and his heart beating wildly in his chest. Those were the last words he thought Lavi would say to him but he's there, right there, telling him he love him. What is this feeling in me? Kanda asked himself. Why do I want to reach out and hold Lavi close and never let him go? He frown a little, confused.

Lavi looked at him with an unreadable expression. Sadness then reflects his eyes, unable to hide his sadness.

"I knew I shouldn't feel this way, but I wonder why it did. It's ok that you don't feel the same. Just don't kick me out tonight." He smiled at Kanda hiding his sadness and pain and quickly closed his eyes to sleep.

Kanda watched him for a few minutes. He could see tears fighting their way through Lavi's eye lids but the stupid rabbit stubbornly held them back. The smooth pale face and red full lips, it broke Kanda's heart to see a tear finally slipped down silently from his eyes down to the bridge of his nose then down to the pillow even though a small smile still paste on his lips.

"Smile only when you mean it, stupid rabbit." He whispered, unconsciously reached out his hand to wipe away the second tear that fall.

Lavi's face felt soft like a warm puppy. Glassy green emerald eyes opened slowly in sadness to gaze deeply into the icy sapphire ones.

Kanda then reached out his arms and hugged Lavi close to him. He didn't know why he did that but at that time, it just felt like the right thing to do. He felt warm tears damp his pajamas, Lavi hid his face in his chest sobbing quietly.

The Japanese exorcist never felt so protective over anything before. Long slender arms hugged back circling him around his waist tightly.

After half an hour hugging so tightly together, Lavi finally pulled away a little till he could look up at Kanda's face.

"Yuu-chan," he whispered looking so closely at the beautiful creature in front of him. His long hair fall loosely all around him, swaying occasionally with the wind. His hair so black, it made his face looked so pale under the soft moonlight except for the blue, blue eyes that shows annoyance or anger no more.

He can never look any more beautiful, thought Lavi silently.

Lavi could smell Kanda, faint blood and rain, made him so comfortable and safe.

Slowly, without realizing, Lavi inched closer and closer to Kanda and kissed him softly. Kanda's heart stopped. The sudden warmth on his lips, the taste of Lavi's mouth, the annoying sped his heart was beating in; time seemed to stop until he remembers to breathe and kissed back slowly, unsurely.

What the hell am I doing? Kanda shouted angrily in his brain. You're kissing the damn rabbit for god's sake.

But what scared him the most was the fact that he didn't want to pull away from this amazing feeling.

When they finally pulled away, Kanda looked deeply into Lavi's eyes to see if he's doing one of his stupid jokes what he saw was seriousness that he never seen before.

He opened his mouth to say something but long slender fingers stopped him. He shook his head lightly.

Don't say anything. Let's enjoy this silence together.

The black haired only nodded.

The future bookman gaze up at the hourglass that was on the table beside the bed.

Only two beautiful pink petals left.

He reached out his hand to touch Kanda's soft pale cheeks and bring his head together with his. Black and red hair tangled together on the big pillow as they both fell asleep till late next morning.

How could I bear to watch you leave me? Lavi's heart cries softly as he watches Kanda's angelic sleeping face until he too fell asleep.

To be continued….

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**Part 2 will be right up... Thank you for reading..**

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	2. Our Promise

**Sorry for the long wait...My laptop went 'boom' that day and I had to write part 2 all over again in the desktop. Hope you guys enjoy it and please excuse my lousy grammar. This is the final part and warning:death character.

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**

The cafeteria was peaceful and quiet as usual. Everybody was minding their own business, just like Kanda always does. Eating his soba quietly in his dark corner until,

"Yuu-chan!" a voice called cheerfully.

That was when everyone knew the happy and peaceful atmosphere will end.

The red-headed exorcist carried his tray of food and stopped in front of the black-haired exorcist at the back of the big cafeteria.

"Can I sit here?" he asked smiling sweetly.

A long pause.

"Whatever." was the cold reply and everyone in the cafeteria turned around and stared at them wide-eyed.

"Thank you Yuu-chan!" the other exclaimed loudly and quickly settled down opposite him.

A few Finders shook their heads in disbelief. How did the junior bookman managed turned this evil yet beautiful creature into someone like that? What had he done? What happened to the normal 'go away', 'leave me alone', and 'don't call me that'?

Was it because of what happened on their last mission? Lavi was hurt pretty bad back then and perhaps Kanda is guilty about it so he treated him well? Or Kanda changed into someone nicer 'because they were quite sure Lavi is still the same old Lavi? What happened? Everyone wondered curiously.

Lavi started making conversations like usual but the other didn't ask him to shut up, not even once! Instead, he nodded occasionally as though he was listening.

"-did you know that? I was-" Lavi continued blabbering on and on.

"Hmm." Kanda nodded frowning a little.

Everyone looked at them in disbelief. Are those two in peace with each other?

After half an hour of Lavi non-stop talking, Kanda's frown deepens and he doesn't look happy at all. He lost his appetite and now, anger started burning in him.

Everyone felt the uncomfortable aura coming from him but not Lavi. He continued his one-sided conversation on and on. Finally, one hour up, nobody dares to leave their seat. They were now watching those two praying to god Lavi will be safe.

"Stupid rabbit," he muttered under his breath irritably.

"Yes Yuu-chan? You want to go there too? Maybe we should go tog-"

"Would you shut up?" he snapped looking at him dangerously.

"Aww, come on, don't be mean now Yuu-chan." The red-headed pouted a little and continued to talk as though nothing happened.

Everyone squirmed in their seats when Kanda suddenly stood up.

"Stupid rabbit! Would you shut up!?" he yelled at him. The hair at the back of everyone's neck stood up when they heard his angry voice. All movement stopped and even Allen who was always busy stuffing his mouth with food stopped and watched them.

"What's wrong Yuu-chan?" he asked smiling innocently as though trying to provoke the now angry creature.

"What wrong?" he asked sarcastically. "You have been talking non-stop for the last hour. I'm sick of listening to your voice for one hour straight." He yelled angrily.

"Come on Yuu-chan, don't be mean now. You don't look cute like that." Lavi said purposefully.

Everyone knew Lavi had crossed the line. Black angry aura waved behind Kanda as his hand reached out to Mugen and shield his sword.

"Hey, calm down Yuu-chan. Put that sword away." Lavi laughed nervously.

"You stupid rabbit!" the Japanese exorcist yelled. "How many times do I have to tell you to not call me that? You baka usagi!"

Lavi ducked as the sword nearly sliced him into half.

"Yuu-chan! Don't be angry now," he tried to calm him down but only to get the other angrier.

"You lousy rabbit, you and your mouth are so annoying!" he yelled as Lavi quickly got off the bench two seconds before the sword cut the wood into a clean half.

"Don't run now, you stupid Lavi!"

Backing away, Lavi started running.

"Ahh!! Yuu-chan is gonna kill me, he's gonna cut me into half." He screamed at the top of his lungs all the way out of the cafeteria. Red and black dashed by in everyone's vision as they ran out of the huge door. Starring at their backs running away, everyone shook their heads softly.

Poor Lavi, they thought when they heard explosions and shouts at the other side of the Order. They resumed eating, maybe they hadn't changed at all, they thought and heaved huge sighs of relief.

Black Order can never get boring with this kind of entertainment going on all the time.

* * *

The night was silent, the crescent moon shone palely in the dark lonely night. Crickets were singing far below the window, a few lost birds flew aimlessly in the sky.

"I'm just like the birds." He said pointing to the sky. The wind blew harshly as though answering him. His curtain of long black hair danced behind his back softly.

He stood alone in the dark in front of the big window in his room gazing up at the lonely night, dressed in his blue and white stripped pajamas.

The night was cold, winter is approaching fast. With an empty heart he stood there before he sleeps every night like a routine.

The door of his room creaks open slowly. A mess of red hair peeked in and entered hugging his pillow. Quietly he went straight to the other's bed and lay down as though he owned it, pulling the sheet over his head.

Kanda did not move from his spot.

"Had nightmares again?" he asked silently.

"Yeah," a muffled voice answered softly.

After a few minutes, he finally tore his gaze from the sky and walked over to his bed. The silent creature in the bed made space and Kanda lay down next to Lavi in silence for a long time.

"Yuu-chan," he whispered after a long time.

"Would you miss me if I tell you I have to go away?" he asked, sadness in his tone can't be missed.

"Che, like hell if I would be sad." The other answered in an annoyed tone and turned his back to him.

_I wasn't even asking if you would be sad, Yuu-chan._ The red-headed thought sadly.

"So, this day has finally come huh?" he asked with his back still facing him. Under the blanket, he could feel his warmth close to him.

Lavi shifted and both of their backs faced each other.

"Yeah, I guess it's time for me to go."

"Haha, it'll be fine, no one will pester you then. But don't worry I'll write and call. We can still keep in touch." Lavi said again cheerfully.

Kanda turned around and pulled Lavi carefully by the arm to face him. Under the pale moonlight, he saw two green emerald eyes shone with tears that never fall, the right one no longer hidden behind an eye-patch.

Kanda's face looked so white and pale under the mess of long black hair. Lavi reached out to touch his smooth cheek and gazed into the icy sapphire blue eyes.

"When?"

"December,"

"Two months from now huh,"

"Yeah." Lavi smiled trying to be cheerful.

"Smile only when you mean it, baka usagi." Kanda growled and slowly pulled him close to kiss him in the lips. A kiss filled with sadness and remorse and love.

Both of their hearts missed a beat by the sudden warmth. Lavi kissed back, circling his arms around Kanda's waist hugging him close.

Under the pale moonlight, Lavi could clearly see him blush deeply.

He stroked his long black hair that spilled freely on the pillow as he deepens his kiss and crawled on top of Kanda.

His tongue asked for his permission to enter but the other stubbornly refused.

"Yuu-chan," he urged softly.

"Wha-"he took the opportunity and kissed him again, this time, their tongues danced together in perfect rhythm. Both of their body temperature started to rise as their soft kissing turned rough and hungry.

Kanda who had no experience of whatsoever in this kind of act suddenly tried to push Lavi away. The sensation he felt was too over-whelming but Lavi pinned him down firmly.

"Lavi, I don't think we should do this." He said feeling his cheeks hot.

Kneeling over him, Lavi smiled down at him.

"Why?" he asked teasing.

Glaring at him, he turned away and answered,

"I'm afraid I won't be able to stop if this go on further." His cheeks burned even brighter.

"Then don't stop." He whispered into his hair.

"You had already let me go this far, I won't back out now." He whispered again to his ear and nibbled his ear-lobe softly.

"Lavi," Kanda sounded stern and tried to push him again but weaken when he felt his hands travel under his shirt to touch his bare skin underneath. Long slender fingers traced up his chest then down to his flat stomach.

Slowly, Lavi pulled Kanda's shirt off and his lips started travelling around his now exposed pale, smooth skin.

Kanda's hands unconsciously moved under his shirt too to touch him as Lavi kissed him again on the lips. Lavi's hand traveled down to his lower part of stomach then to his pants and undoes the zip.

"Hey, look where you're touching." He exclaimed loudly but soon drowned by the pleasure he felt.

Pulling his own shirt off,

"You feel pretty hard now, Yuu-chan." He whispered in his ear mischievously as he stroked him gently.

"Look who's talking." Kanda said eyeing his tight bulge under his pants.

Lavi chuckled and both of them looked at each other deep in the eyes.

"I love you, Yuu-chan." He whispered in his ear as his hand did its job earning a moan from the black-haired one.

"Che," He spat looking deep into a pair of green emerald eyes. And Lavi knew he meant me too as they resumed their lustful acts.

"Let me take you to ecstasy." Lavi promised softly.

Only the sad lonely night and sorrowful moon saw what they did that night on Kanda's bed in his room. Kanda's soft moans can be heard in the silent night and Lavi thought nothing could sound more beautiful than his voice as they both drowned in the love they gave each other.

The soft morning sun shone softly at a mess of black and red through the window. Two of them lay very close together still fast asleep. The wind blew softly and both of their tangled hair swayed a little.

A pair of eyes lids opened revealing a pair of deep green eyes. For a moment he forgot where he was because there definitely doesn't look like his room. Then he felt warmth close to him, he looked beside him and found an angel with long silky black hair sleeping peacefully.

His bangs lay just below his eyebrows and hair looked like spilled ink on the pillow.

The red-headed one smiled softly and reached out to touch his cheek softly. Slowly, the Japanese exorcist aroused from his sleep and icy sapphire blue eyes peered at him, confused. He gazed into a pair of green, green eyes for a long time.

For a moment, Lavi afraid he would yell at him like always and accuse him of rapping. But dark blue eyes soften and long slender arms circled him around the waist and snuggled close.

"Good morning Yuu-chan." He whispered relieved, hugging him back close. He looked up, eyes smiling a little and Lavi kissed him softly on the lips.

"Baka usagi, don't go." Kanda mumbled half-asleep and fall right back to sleep on the curve of his neck.

"I wish I could."

Never in his life, had the junior bookman felt so sad yet so warm and happy. He hugged his angel closer and smelt his sweet smelling hair then he too fall back to sleep till late afternoon.

* * *

"—I want you to go, this is very important. I hope you understand." Komui said squirming in his seat under Kanda's angry eyes.

"I told you, I don't want to go." The high pony-tailed exorcist answered clearly unhappy.

"This might be the Heart. Please be reasonable, I want to send all my most trusted exorcists there. Please agree." The man pouted at Kanda who stood in the middle of his amazingly messy office room.

"How many times do I have to repea-"

The figure who had been listening outside the slightly opened door walked away slowly.

Flaming red hair looked even messier then usual without his head band.

Even his back looked sad when he walked down corridor but at the next corridor where everyone was, his usual cheerful laughter can be heard once again and nobody, nobody but Kanda could see through his mask of happiness.

_I guess he had to leave now too_. The green eyes exorcist thought silently as he laughed and joked with all the busy finders.

They had been spending all their spare minutes together; they didn't want to regret later when they have to be separated.

"Oh please Kanda, do this for the world." Komui plead for one last time.

Icy blue eyes looked at him with disgust.

"I understand," he finally mumbled and looked very unhappy.

"Oh thank you thank you thank you Kanda!" the spectacled Chinese man said and started to explain about the mission but the other wasn't listening anymore.

_How am I going to tell Lavi?_ He wondered silently and walked out of the ever so messy office leaving Komui talking to a one-sided conversation.

* * *

The day was going to end soon. The sun set lazily as they stood in front of Kanda's room, rays of sunlight shone softly on them from the huge window.

"I'll be back in two weeks time." It had been two days since his conversation with Komui.

"I know,"

Green sapphire eye looked at the Japanese exorcist, overwhelmed by the love he felt for him. He couldn't go because his wounds aren't fully healed and he'll be leaving Black Order soon.

"I'll wait for you to come back Yuu-chan." He smiled cheerfully at him.

Deep blue eyes looked at him and saw right through.

Tenderly, the black-haired one reached out to hold his hand and put it on his left chest.

Lavi felt faint heart beat against his palm and he looked at him, puzzled.

"I'm giving this to you. Please keep it safe and don't break it." He said not looking at him, blushing deeply, at the same time wondering why he was saying such disgusting words to him.

After a long minute, Lavi leaned over to kiss him on the lips ever so gently. He squeezes Kanda's hand tightly when they pulled away.

_I will keep it safe._

The other only nodded.

They stood there awkward for a few minutes.

"Don't sleep on my bed too much." Kanda then warned him.

The other snorted.

"I don't want your rabbit smell all over my bed when I come back."

"Who would want to sleep on your bed?" and laughed dryly in disbelief.

And Kanda knew of all the people in the world, he will.

"Bye stupid rabbit." The long-haired one said then softly ruffled his flaming red-hair.

Will I ever get to see you again? Lavi wondered silently looking at him.

"Hey, I told you I'll be back. Don't doubt me." Kanda grumbled at his sad face.

"I know Yuu-chan," he immediately smiled brightly for him.

"Good bye, I'll be right here waiting."

"I won't be long."

They gazed at each other for a long moment then embraced hard and long. Lavi hid his face on the curve of his neck, smelling the sweet smell of his long silky black hair and Kanda had his hands around his waist feeling his warmth.

"Kanda, let's go." Allen called from far down the corridor, not at all seemed surprised to see them hugging. Guess he knew all along.

Pulling away, Kanda's pretty lips curved up a little for him. Well, what do you expect? That's the only smile he's capable to give only to Lavi.

"Bye," he whispered and walked away, Mugen hanging by slender hips.

"I'll keep it safe!" he promised, referring to his heart that was with him.

"You better do."

"I'll miss you Yuu-chan." He shouted so loud, the Japanese exorcist stopped in his tracks and turned around looking angry yet embarrassed at the same time.

"Che," He spat, his cheeks bright red.

And Lavi knew he meant _me too._

Life became boring after that. Lavi did nothing but causing troubles for all the busy finders. Sometimes he plays with the adorable puppies Leenale kept secretly in an empty room or he would read in the library. Late in the evenings, he would go out for a long walk in the forest. His mind full of Kanda and it's only been 1 week!

The old bookman noticed that he was distracted 'cause he was missing lapses of memory when studying.

"Lavi, would you please try to pay attention?" he finally said one day in the library, his rough voice sounded raspy in the silence.

No reply from the red-headed one.

He was gazing out the high window of the library at the dark night, spacing out like he always does recently.

**_POW!!_**

A hard kick on the head from the old bookman.

"AWW!! What is it Panda-Jiji? That hurt." His apprentice exclaimed in pain rubbing his head.

"I was talking to you. Why are you so distracted? I thought I told you not to let your feelings go too far-"he started his lecture about why bookmen should not have feelings.

But Lavi wasn't listening as he continued to gaze out at the dead tree in the middle of the hill not too far away, his head propped on his hand.

"Why do you think humans fall in love?" he wondered out loud.

The old bookman fell silent looking very old all of the sudden.

It was after a long time when he finally answered.

"Because humans are such foolish creatures." He said tiredly closing the book he was reading and put it on the high pile next to him.

"Yeah, that's what they are." He confirmed softly as though to himself.

Lavi chuckled to himself.

That was the exact word he told Kanda when they were at their mission.

_I guess I'm one of the foolish humans huh?_ He thought to himself smiling sadly and turned back to his book and start reading again.

Old bookman studied him silently from the opposite seat like a book.

_Don't walk the same path as I did lad_. He warned softly when he noticed the love in those eyes when the other one thought about his lover.

* * *

Lightning struck the night like a golden sword, thunder clapped like an angry creature.

A red-headed shadow sneaked into a familiar room and jumped into the familiar bed, wondering if it's raining too at Kanda's place.

"Yuu-chan"

He whispered in the dark, listening to the rain hitting the windows and roof.

Under the familiar blanket, he tried to catch whatever scent of Kanda that was left. He remembered clearly the nights they had spend together on that very bed. How Kanda looked like when he sleeps. Everything reminded him of his lovely angel 'till it hurts inside.

Suddenly, Lavi smelled a sweet smell in the air and he noticed it was the smell of Kanda's hair. The usual faint sweet smell was thick as Lavi pulled the sheets away from his face and looked around in surprise and curiosity.

In the dark, he searched every corner of the room to find the source of the smell. He even checked the bathroom thinking the shampoo must have spilled but no. He found nothing.

I must be crazy. He laughed to himself and sat back down on the bed, leaning forward on his knees, covering his face in his hands feeling incredibly stupid and sad.

He felt a sudden jolt ran through his system and he looked up, wide-eyed.

_What the hell was that?_ He thought.

_Have I really gone nuts?_ He wondered again as his eyes were caught by the sight of the glass hour on the table next to the bed.

He eyed it hard.

_Only two petals left_. He thought quietly.

As though mesmerized by the beauty of the dark pink petals, he watched for a bit longer.

Slowly, he saw a petal fall a little and started to wither. The junior bookman's heart stopped. The stared at it like it was alien from another planet.

Beautiful pink turned brown and fall slowly in the space of the hour glass till it finally turned ashes and vanished into thin air before it reaches the bottom.

Lavi watched in disbelief.

"Yuu-chan," he called out, his voice sounded like a stranger's to his own ears.

Only one petal left.

The heavy sweet smell fades into thin air and slowly vanished.

As though struck by lightning, tears made way to him eyes and roll down slowly, one by one. Just like the sad rain hitting on the glass window.

He lowered his head and looked at him feet.

_Dear lord above_, he prayed in his heart. _This is the first time I ever called out to you, please hear my prayer now and protect him from any harm. Don't let him die_.

Maybe out of tiredness, or maybe out of sadness, without realizing, he fell asleep through his tears in the dark cold night.

The next few days sucked more than ever. Two weeks were up and still there was no sight of Kanda and the others anywhere yet. He waited by the window day and night, out in the cold weather.

On the second day after the two weeks, it started to snow. The world looked like it had been blanketed with white soft cotton. Everything looked so beautiful, how Lavi wished Kanda was right there beside him.

He tried to ask around about Kanda but nobody dared to tell him anything. All they said were they will be back soon.

_You better keep your promise to come back here._

Two weeks turned three weeks. Finally, one dark morning, a dozen of Finders set off with medical aid and stretchers.

Lavi watched them from the window of his room.

"I guess they are finally back." He said softly to the old bookman who was watching with him.

"Yeah, I heard about it from Komui last night." was the reply.

He nodded, couldn't wait to see his love one again.

Three hours later, he saw figures approaching the Black Order slowly. As they drew near, he saw a familiar tall figure walking in the distance. He heart skipped a beat.

He jumped off the chair he was sitting on and ran to the door and out to meet his angel.

Ignoring the sudden cold that hit him and the fact that he didn't have his coat on, he ran up to the group.

Everyone looked beaten. Two Finders were supporting Kanda, one on each side. The beautiful black hair that was usually tied up in a high pony tail now hung like a black curtain behind his back.

"Yuu-chan," he said his name out loud for the first time in a long time, his heart swelling with happiness in seeing him again.

Sapphire icy blue eyes looked up slowly into a green, green emerald eye. The right one hid behind a black eye-patch.

"Stupid rabbit," he mumbled and the end of his lips curved up directly at him.

Lavi ran over and hugged him. The other winced in pain for a while than hugged him back. It felt so good to feel the familiar slender arms around him again.

"I was worried sick about you," the red-headed one whispered softly.

The two Finders stepped aside, obviously surprised by the bold act of the mixed race exorcist.

"Hmm, I thought I told you I would be back?" the other replied weakly leaning heavily on him.

"Are you ok? You looked quite beaten up." Lavi asked noticing his bandage around his waist and legs for the first time.

"I'm fin-"Kanda's legs suddenly gave off beneath him. Luckily Lavi was holding him, or he would fell flat on the icy cold snow.

"Yuu-chan? Yuu-chan?! Are you alright?" Lavi asked, lines of worry formed on his face immediately.

Everyone was surprised to see him suddenly collapse. In Lavi's arms, he felt heavy.

"Help me get him inside. Quick." Lavi yelled at them who were watching dumbfounded trying not to panic.

Two finders snapped to action and quickly helped him carry the Japanese exorcist inside.

_What happened to him? He was never this weak._ He thought to himself as he along with the other two carried him to the infirmary.

An operation was performed immediately. The doctor gave Kanda a brief check before entering the operation room.

"Is he alright?" Lavi asked in a calm voice he never felt.

"No," he answered truthfully. "He's very hurt and has to go under an operation right away. Four of his ribs were broken and it might hurt his lungs and heart." The doctor walked away quickly after explaining, than the nurses pushed the unconscious Kanda into the operation room.

Lavi looked at the closed door for a long time before he sank down to the floor, hurting silently.

Nobody dared to come close to him. They just let him sit there, even the old bookman who was watching everything from afar.

It was late evening, when the operation room finally opened. The doctor stepped out and everything went fine. It was a very successful operation. Lavi heaved a huge sigh of relieve and thanked the doctor solemnly.

The nurses told him he could go and see him now.

Lavi only nodded ad continued to sit on the floor, looking tired and dazed.

Finally, Allen approached him slowly and sat down beside him.

"How's Kanda?" he asked after a long time.

"The doctor said his operation was a success." Lavi mumbled.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I guess. I'm just surprised, that's all." He smiled softly at him.

"Good,"

"Tell me what happened to him." Lavi asked after a long time.

A long pause.

"He was badly hurt in the war, we told him to stay for a few days to get some treatment first but he refused profusely. He wanted to come back immediately. Krory and I and everyone else got no choice but bring him back as fast as we could. I'm sorry." He said gazing up at the white ceiling.

"Don't be sorry, it's not your fault." was the soft reply.

"I guess I'll be going now. Time to hit the cafeteria." Allen smiled and stood up.

"Like always huh," Lavi too stood up, putting his cheerful mask on again.

"Catch you later Moyashi." He waved smiling cheerfully earning a cold look from the other exorcist.

Lavi made his way to the infirmary room where Kanda was staying in. The window was left open slightly to let the fresh breeze in and the room felt warm with all those heaters and stuffs around.

He pulled a chair up beside the bed and watched his sleeping angel for a long, long time. That familiar pale complexion looked so beautiful in the dark. Lovely long black hair draped softly around his face and shoulders.

Carefully, he reached out to hold his hand tightly in his. The love he felt for this man was more than anything in the world.

"I love you Yuu-chan," he whispered softly.

"I'll be right here when you wake up."

As though he heard him, Kanda squeezed his hand weakly.

"That hurts." was the first thing the Japanese exorcist muttered the next morning when he woke up and tried to shift to a better position.

"Who left the damn window open? It's so cold." He wondered out loud as he sat up on his bed.

His gazed down at his strangely warm hand, surprised to see it was wrapped around by long fingers that were so familiar. The sun slowly climbed higher in the sky as its light shone into the room softly at both of them.

Flaming red hair looked tousled and a face was hidden behind his arms he used as pillow. He looked very uncomfortable half sitting on the chair, half leaning on the bed.

Kanda smiled.

Yeah, he smiled sweetly.

At the man he loved so much.

How could anyone looked so good when they are sleeping so uncomfortably? He wondered gazing at Lavi's handsome face and features that broke so many women's heart.

Slowly, the junior bookman aroused from his sleep. His eye-patch had been removed last night before he sleeps and now, two lovely deep green eyes looked up at Kanda confused.

Kanda smiled at him softly.

"Yuu-chan," he whispered as though dreaming.

"Yuu-chan!" he then exclaimed loudly surprising the other one.

He stood up from his seat quickly ignoring the sudden pain he felt for sitting in the same position for too long and looked at Kanda, full of worry in his eyes.

"Are you alright? Do you still feel any pain? I-"

"Lavi,"

"-was so worried about-"

"Lavi!" he said louder. This time, Lavi fell silent.

"I'm fine, just a little hurt." He smiled again, assuring him.

The handsome features relaxed and smiled at him.

"I love you so much, Yuu-chan." He said and leaned over to kiss him softly on the lips. Kanda kissed back and squeezed his hand. Those familiar warm lips and the sweet taste that always made his heart felt warm.

"Che," he said when they pulled away.

"Who said you could kiss me like that." He said annoyed, his cheeks bright red.

"Yuu-chan," Lavi smiled at his reaction and kissed him again, harder this time.

"I'm so glad you're fine." He whispered into his ear when the door suddenly opened loudly.

Leenale, Komui, Allen, Krory, Marie, Krory and almost everyone else burst into the room. Both Lavi and Kanda froze in their position, wide-eyed starring at them.

"Kanda! You're awake, I so glad you're fine." Komui exclaimed, tears running down his face as he ran up to Kanda and pushed Lavi aside to hug him.

Kanda felt his pajamas soaked with his tears as everyone else crowded around his bed and started talking at the same time.

Immediately, he felt annoyed. His sweet and peaceful morning with Lavi was all ruined by all these noisy people who suddenly barged in without knocking.

"Che, would you get off me?" he yelled harshly at Komui and the Chinese man looked hurt and ran to Leenale crying, complaining how mean Kanda was to him while she looked embarrassed.

"Kanda, how are you? We were so worried about you, especially Lavi who was right here beside you all night." Allen said smiling gently.

Kanda looked up at him.

"Lavi had been here all night?" he asked quietly and everyone stopped to look at Lavi who was pushed to the back of the room. He was leaning on the wall looking tousled and handsome when he realized everyone was staring at him.

Smiling weakly.

"Is something wrong?" he asked innocently, trying to avoid explanation.

"What is going on here?!" a voice suddenly demanded from the doorway. Everyone turned at saw the head nurse looking disapprove at them.

"How do you expect my patient to rest when all of you are here making so much noise so early in the morning? Now, get out!" She yelled trying to 'shoo' all of them out of the door.

Everyone moaned and tried to argue.

"I said out! Kanda needs his rest. Off you go. Don't come back for another week." She yelled sternly and closed the door behind her.

"Now, Kanda, I'm going to check your blood pres-"her voice caught in her throat when she saw Lavi still standing there leaning against the wall.

"Lavi!" she shouted.

"What?" he asked innocently, looking guilty for no reason.

"Didn't you hear what I said just now? I said out and don't come back for another week. We don't need your pranks for awhile."

"But I need to stay with Yuu-chan, he needs me." He whined asking for understanding, his puppy eyes made the old nurse's heart melt.

"Ok, fine, only for another five minutes. You better be gone when I come back." She said finally and went out to fetch things she needs.

They stayed there in silence for a long moment.

"Thank you for being here with me." The long haired exorcist said softly with a frown on his face to hide his embarrassment.

He chuckled softly and walked to him.

"It's because you're everything to me." He smiled and kissed him on the cheeks as the door opened again.

"I'll be back again tonight, have a good rest Yuu-chan." He smiled and slipped away before the nurse catch him again.

Kanda only watched him silently and smiled to himself wondering what was the warm and fuzzy feeling he felt inside him.

* * *

Two weeks came and went; it was time for Lavi to leave. Every day the junior bookman would spend his every last minute with Kanda in the infirmary.

Kanda didn't heal so fast like he did all the time, instead, he got weaker and both of them knew why but never said a word about it.

It was late evening when Lavi finished packing and went to see Kanda before he leaves.

Kanda looked at his tall lanky body in front of him, wondering how much he will miss him when he's gone. He looked at those flaming red hair that always looked messy behind that green head band and the silly smile on his charming face. Only today, no smile was pasted on his face. It was replaced with sadness and sorrow as Lavi looked at him, eyes filled with regret and pain.

Lavi leaned down to kiss Kanda lightly on the lips for one last time. Feeling and tasting the familiar warmth and sweetness he never ever gets sick of.

His hand caressed his long beautiful black hair that spread out on the pillow._ Like spilled ink,_ he thought smiling sadly to himself.

Kanda was still very weak as he lay there on the bed trying not to show how sad he felt.

Lovely sapphire icy blue eyes gazed at him deeply. Lavi could sense Kanda's love for him. He smiled cheerfully at him trying to hide the sadness he felt.

"How many times do I have to tell you? Smile only when you mean it." Kanda whispered frowning at him.

"You had not changed one bit Yuu-chan, still so harsh like always." Lavi smiled a real smile.

_You have no idea how much you've changed me._

"You have changed me so much in so many ways Yuu-chan, I'm so glad I met you." Lavi said to him softly.

"Lavi, it's time to go." The old bookman said from the doorway and walked away.

He paused for a long time looking into those blue, blue eyes.

"So it's time huh?" asked Kanda.

"Yeah, I guess it is." Green emerald eye filled with tears that represent his pain.

Kanda reached out to hold his hand firmly. He smiled at Lavi's sad face, trying to give him the strength he didn't feel. Wondering how far had they came and how much he loved this man he used to hate so much.

_How foolish of me to fall so helplessly in love with you_, Kanda said silently, his free hand caress his flaming red hair than at his soft smooth cheeks.

"I'm so foolish to fall so helplessly in love with you Yuu-chan." Lavi laughed and hugged his love one in his arms tightly.

Long slender arms hugged him back just as hard.

"I don't want to let go Lavi." He whispered weakly and with all his heart, he felt the person he loved feels the same way too.

"It's time Lavi," the Japanese exorcist muttered.

"Yeah, I know."

Lavi hid his face at the curve of Kanda's neck like he always does, taking in the sweet smell of his hair.

_Why is it so hard to say goodbye?_ He cried angrily in his heart.

Slowly they pulled away, Lavi then placed Kanda's hand on his left chest. The long-haired one felt faint heart beat against his palm as he gaze into deep green eye.

"I'm going to give this to you too." He said in a broken voice.

"Keep it with you forever, don't break it and don't forget me." He whispered fighting back the lump that had started to form in his throat.

His love one looked up from the bed and smiled. Yeah, a real smile. Not the edge of lips curved up a little but a real smile that lifted his whole face and eyes. He looked like an angel and could not be more beautiful.

He didn't say anything, he didn't need to. From the smile he gave only to Lavi had said it all.

"Good bye Yuu-chan," his sweet voice whispered into his ear, his hand refused to let go. He stood there close to Kanda for awhile more trying to remember all the feelings he felt for him, every touch, every word and every detail of Kanda. How his voice always sounded annoyed but now speaks to him in such soft tune, the soft hands that touched him so carefully like he was a fragile flower, the sweet scent of him mixed with faint blood and sweat were all so precious to Lavi.

"Bye stupid rabbit," he said gripping his hands desperately wishing with all his heart he didn't have to leave. The red-headed one cold only hold back his tears.

"Well," he sighed straightening up. "It's time to be the 50th me. Wish me luck Yuu-chan." He smiled handsomely but a smile that didn't reached his eyes.

"Remember always that I love you. Not Lavi, not any previous me or future but me." He pointed to himself.

"This person right in front of you now will always love you whenever I go. I will never love another person other than you." He promised so fiercely, it surprised the Japanese exorcist a little.

"I love you too Lavi, with all my heart." Kanda said full of honesty. The first time he ever said something like that. _And it would be the last,_ he thought sadly.

Two hands that belonged together broke free, one final gentle kiss on the lips; they parted leaving their hearts with each other.

The sun had set already when Lavi and old bookman finally stepped out of the Black Order after saying goodbye to everyone else. The war was finally over and he had no reason to stay anymore. The Heart was found, they don't have to fight anymore. It's all over.

Snow covered everything on land making the world looked so pale and soft. The air was cold and dry; only the sound of their footsteps could be heard in the silent night.

Kanda walked to the window and gazed down at him. The cold, cold wind blew; his hair flew freely behind and around him.

He watched the two bookmen walked away slowly and looked at the red-headed one 'till he felt something cold fall on his hands that were place on the window sill.

He looked down and was surprised to see tears were falling down from his eyes.

Yuu Kanda never cries. His heart was made of hard, cold stone. But right then, he wasn't Yuu Kanda anymore. He was but a foolish human, helplessly in love.

The wind blew rougher. He felt cold and he remembered how Lavi always hugged him close to keep him warm. Those lovely memories that was so precious to him.

His hands soon turned icy cold, his breathe turned short and his heart beat slowed down.

"So now, it's my time huh?" he asked himself.

Tears continued to fall, without warning, without effort but with feelings.

_Lavi…_

His heart cried and at the same time, the junior bookman turned around and gazed up at him.

Beautiful long hair sway gently behind his back; his pale skin and face that looked like a doll seemed to glow in the dark under the moonlight.

"My angel," he whispered beaming bravely at him, at those lovely lips that were set in a sad straight line, at the tears that fall from his deep blue, blue eyes.

"**I LOVE YOU, YUU-CHAN!**" he shouted so loud, his voice echoed through the silent night and Black Order earning a funny look from the old bookman.

Kanda gazed down at him surprised then his eyes soften and he smiled down at him.

_Me too._

_My heart beat is getting slower Lavi,_ his heart whispered as if he could hear him.

_I know_. A voice far away in his heart answered so softly, he could barely hear it.

They looked at each other, amazed.

_I can hear you Yuu-chan_. The distant voice said again.

_Me too._

And both of them knew why.

_Wait for me at the other side; I'll be right there when I finish what have to be done here._

Surprised that he knew,

_I will wait for you Lavi, until the day we meet again_.

The junior bookman nodded at his words and waved at his black-haired angel then walked away once again.

Kanda looked at him.

His heart screaming,

_Don't go! Don't go!_

Slowly, his legs no longer have the strength to stand anymore. His wounds started to hurt more than ever but never more than his heart.

Kanda sank to the ground, his wounds opened again, blood ooze out slowly soaking his pajamas then the floor.

_Looks like my time is up huh?_ He asked the moon silently as he lay on his back on the cold stone floor, bleeding his life away.

In the middle of cold lonely winter night, the Japanese exorcist lay there by himself. Grieving for his broken heart, his tears fall gently down his eyes. Without warning, without effort but with emotion.

Images of the junior bookman played in his visions over and over again. How his red flaming hair was never tidy, those soft red lips that always kiss him softly, the feel of his skin against his own, his silly voice saying stupid things, his scent of old books and rain and those deep green emerald eyes that always look at him lovingly, the sweet taste of his lips every time they kiss. All those memories were so precious to him.

He looked up and out of the window, the snow started to fall softly. Thousands and millions of frozen teardrops fall from the sky. Kanda smiled, remembering how Lavi always say when it rains,

"Look Yuu-chan," he would call and pointed up the sky. "The sky is crying, for us, foolish humans." He then smiled sweetly before pulling him along with him to play under the rain.

Feeling extremely tired he closed his eyes and fall into a sleep he would never wake up again.

The snow had started to fall, softly like cotton candy. Lavi looked up the sky sadly then he felt a sudden pang in his chest and felt a big piece of his heart got cut away, leaving his chest empty and cold. He stopped in his tracks, wide-eyed.

_Lavi…_

_Yuu…_

He knew.

"Lavi, what's wrong?" the old bookman turned around frowning.

Deep green eye looked back up at the window to see no more Kanda standing there like a fallen angel gazing down at him, only the lonely white curtains flapping in the wind.

The old bookman watched silently as sobs racked through his whole body. They both knew bookmen were not supposed to have feelings, but right then, Lavi didn't care. He didn't care one bit because he wasn't a bookman anymore; he was but a foolish human helplessly in love.

"Lavi," the old bookman's voice sounded rough, coated with sadness for him.

The red-headed bookman lowered his head so his red-flaming could cover his eyes. Tears rolled down his eyes and he sank to the ground.

He can't put a happy mask on like he does every day; the hurt he felt simply can't be hide. He cried. The junior bookman cried. Lavi cried and cried like he had never cried before.

_Yuu_, his heart whispered over and over again. He felt angry with life, wanting to throw tantrum like a five year old. He wanted to scream in anger and agony, he want the whole world to hear his how hurt it is to love. But he can't, he just can't.

Thousands of frozen tear fall on them as Lavi sat there on the ground sobbing brokenly, snow soaked his pants and coat and shoes.

Memories of Kanda play in his visions over and over again. How his smooth skin felt warm and soft every time he touch him, how his long black hair always looked like spilled ink when he sleeps, icy sapphire blue eyes always seem to see right through him, the warmth he felt every time when they were close, the sensation and emotion he felt when they made love together, the smell of his hair and how his heart always missed a beat every time they kiss suddenly seemed so real and hurt.

Old bookman could only look at him feeling sad.

_This is why I never let him have any feelings_, he thought feeling terribly old.

Lavi had never felt so helpless before. Never in his 18 years of life had he ever felt so broken and shattered. Sitting under the cold, silent night, he never felt any lonelier. His head started to hurt from crying so much and for once, the old bookman didn't give him a lecture about how he shouldn't have feelings. He just let it go.

"You're right," he croaked to his master.

_I should never have feelings, Panda Jiji is right, look what love and feelings brought me?_ He thought silently.

_Sadness, pain and sorrow_, brain whispered.

_Happiness, warmth and joy_, another voice from his heart argued.

Lavi chuckled.

_Yeah, heart's right there. I have Yuu-chan's heart here with me._

Then he giggled, and then laughed, real hard till tears rolled down his face. His emotions were like a roller coaster, and he could hear a familiar voice from his heart saying

_Smile only when you mean it._ Lavi could only nod.

His master looked at him from aside, unable to do anything to help him. At his broken apprentice, he wondered if this will also be recorded in history.

* * *

twelve years later...

_Yuu Kanda._

_6th June 1880 to 28th December 1898._

_Strong willed, brave, courageous, kind, lovely and well missed,_

_An outstanding exorcist and a family member of Black Order,_

_Wielder of a sword, master of an Innocence,_

_And holder of a bookman's heart._

"Hi Yuu-chan, it's been so long, I miss you so much." A half gloved hand touched the cold hard stone printed with the name of his love one. Chuckling at the words printed on the stone, _must be Allen_, he thought silently.

It had been a long, long time. He looked even handsomer, taller and lankier and as he promised, he had never loved another person in his life.

The sky was covered with dark gray clouds; wind blew softly. He stood in the middle of the roof top garden of the Black Order under a huge tree, the leaves russled softly in a tune of melancholy. Right beside where his love one laid. Flaming red hair swayed with the wind and tears started falling down from the sky.

"Don't cry now, Yuu-chan. I'm almost done here." He smiled up at the sky softly, his own tears mingles with the rain.

I love you, he mouthed and it only rained harder.

* * *

**Finally, it's finished. Sorry bout Kanda. Hope you guys like my story, comment me if you like. I would like to hear about your you for reading...**

**(I've changed the date of birth of Kanda's. Thanks Seiyuurabu for the info...)  
**


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